


The Mad Scientist Union

by Aceidia



Category: Bleach, Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, demon slayer - Fandom, ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Gen, One-Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:09:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27554377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aceidia/pseuds/Aceidia
Summary: The minutes of the Mad Scientist Union Meeting. Today, Cioccolata will be presenting his documentary on Mayuri's mechanical organs. Hange has requested to present Their latest findings in titans and we welcome our newest member, Senku Ishigami. Please remember that weekly dues are to be payed by the end of the meeting. - The VP of the Union, Kisuke Urahara
Relationships: None, Possibly accidentally made family?
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	The Mad Scientist Union

"So, in conclusion, it seems that my subject replaced all his organs with mechanical parts. Which seems highly…impossible. Unless-"

 _"So, I was right!"_ Szayelaporro Granz was not going to let this go without another fight.

"No," Cioccolata shook his head from where he was standing at the front of the meeting room. "You're not. You're just stupid. If we take in account that Soul Reapers are made of this 'riatsu', it seems easy to believe my other findings. These mechanical parts were powered by this strange power and-"

"Strange power?" Mayuri Kurotsuchi laughed, "says the man who manifests spirits."

"A _Stand._ " Cioccolata corrected, hating how annoying his fellow scientists were being. _"A Stand is th-"_

 _"Boooo…"_ Kisuke Urahara didn't have time to get into this argument again. "We all have powers- except for Senku, Hange and Lloyd who is not attending today. No need to fight. As the Vice President of the Mad Scientist Union, I think we should move on. Thank you, Cioccolata for enlightening on Mayuri's strange method of organ removal and replacement. Now, onto the next matter which our dear president wi-"

"Wait," Zöe Hange raised Their hand from where They sat next to Mayuri. "Something doesn't make sense. The whole fight between Mayrui and Szayelaporro seems pointless. Why didn't you two join forces?"

"Why would we do that?" Szayelaporro asked, only to have his rival agree.

"You're both smart and I don't see why there can't be two smart people i-"

"Excuse me!" Urahara interrupted Their sentence with a wave of his green and white fan. "I'm in their world, too. But I get what you're saying. The thing is, Mayrui here's a Soul Reaper and Szayel-chan is an arrancar. It's not like you'd join up with a Titan scientist, would you?"

" _I_ _totally would! Can you imagine what I'd learn?!"_ their eyes lit up as the mere thought brought joy. _"And then they could tell me all I-"_

"You're can't be serious!" Szayelaporro cried. "You'd team up with your-"

"Science is science!" Senku Ishigami didn't even know why he was at this meeting. He had gotten a letter (somehow) a few days ago and was only attending out of curiosity. If you asked him, everyone here was crazy. "Anyone with a passion for science should stick together. I don't see what use it is for all of us to fight one another."

"Exactly!" Shinobu Kocho agreed, a small smile crossing her face. "We're all on the same side."

"The side of science," Senku's words were lost as everyone else (aside from the lady sitting next to him) stared blankly in his direction.

"Uh…" Szayelaporro didn't know how to put this. "No, we're not."

"Agreed," Mayuri said.

"Stop agreeing with me, you clown-faced _freak!"_

"I only agreed with you once, Nemu."

_"I am not your daughter, you-"_

"I would not be so sure. The laws of scien-"

_"The laws of science mean nothing to you, you piece of-"_

"Hold up!" The President of the Mad Scientist Union did not reserve this library room to settle past conflicts. Something that was beginning to consume this meeting. "We are not here to nurse grudges against one another. The newest member, Senku is correct. We are all scientist in pursuit of knowledge. I understand we do not all get along, but we all face the same struggle as scientists. The naysayers of our work and the value which our discoveries have to our respective worlds. I, Shou Tucker formed this union for us to freely converse with one another without the judgment of those who would believe us to be crazy. And yes, do you have a comment, Mayuri?"

"What if I _am_ crazy?"

"Then you need psychiatric help," the President concluded. "However, this is not the 'I need mental health assistance union. They convene every Friday from six to seven. I suggest you take care of yourself. Now, I believe the next matter at hand is the fact that none of you have paid this week's dues. So, I left a jar-"

"I told you, I'm not paying for your babysitter," Hange scowled as They watched the others who had cash pay up. "That's all these dues are for anyway, since we can't do experiments here and you get this room for free."

"Oh," Shou glanced at the money jar in the middle of the table. "I forgot to tell you Hange, I fixed the babysitter problem."

"Then why are we still paying?"

"Dog sitter."

"Great. Still not paying."

"Then you can leave."

"Then I can drag you out of here and feed you to Sonny and Bean."

"Okay, fine. You don't have to pay. Someone else pay Their share." Shou glanced around the room at the sea of scowling faces. "Anyone?"

"I would," Senku offered, "but I don't have any money with me. I'd have to stop by the bank and Ryushi's busy."

"Fine, whatever." Shou would let it go this one time. "A dog sitter is cheap, and I have less mouths to feed anyway. So, on to the next matter. Valentine's Day is two weeks away an-"

"Not this crap," Senku rolled his eyes. "I came to your stupid meeting to talk about science, not romance."

"Agreed," Hange didn't see what any of this 'love' stuff had to do with science. "Can I present my topic, instead?"

"And what is that?"

"Well," Their eyes lit up as the conversation was finally turning to Their favourite subject. " _Titans!_ Last week, Kocho asked me why humans don't eat Titan meat! And that got me thinking and I found some really interesting things I gotta share or I'm gonna explode!"

"Really?" Shou had to ask. He was never sure with this crowd. Somehow, he couldn't help but think he was the most sane person in the room. Which was a shocking thing to realise.

"No, not reall-"

"Then it can wait."

"No!" Hange wasn't going to let Their findings be overshadowed. _"It's really cool."_

"How cool?" Cioccolata had to know. "Did you take them apart?"

"Of course! How else would I try and cook Titan meat?"

"Do you have the footage?"

"No, but I-"

"You need to borrow one of my nifty cams. I'll hook you up…" the doctor paused, not sure what to say.

"Hange is fine!"

"I'll hook up with one, Hange! Then you can send me oh, so beautiful videos of-"

"I don't have internet."

"That's such a shame, maybe I can hook you up with that, too."

'Might help with our fight against the Titans, that's for sure!"

"Excuse me," Urahara knew his mind was prone to wandering, but he swore he would have remembered. "Why are you fighting these titans again? I get lost between demons, hollows, the government's inflexible licensing policies and some guy name Tsukasa."

"Oh, yeah," Hange didn't blame the man for forgetting. they also had a hard time keeping track of things that weren't important to Their work in progress. "The tians are these towering creatures that eat humans."

"Like Demons?" Kocho asked, "and the other forces Urahara mentioned?"

"Yes," Hange said, not disagreeing that in essence, they were all fighting the same type of creatures in their own worlds. "Which… brings me to the question: Why are you here, Szayelaporro? Aren't you a hollow?"

"Yes, and no." The Espada wasn't sure how to explain his presence. "I was formerly a human. However, no hollow begins as a hollow."

"So, like demons, then?" Kocho summarized once again. "I hope however, you didn't eat any humans. Or I would have to kill you, dear."

"No one is killing anyone," Shou spoke up from where he was waiting to get the meeting back on track. "That is the one and _only_ rule of this Union. No killing fellow union scientists."

Cioccolata raised his hand almost jokingly, "What about other people?"

"They're fine."

"Wait," Senku might have been late to this meeting, but everyone around him seemed truly… off. "You're saying killing other human beings is okay?"

"Yes," Shou didn't want to debate this matter.

"In the pursuit of science?"

"Yes."

"That's not right. Humans created science to help other humans. Not to kill them. Sure, people made war machines and stuff, but saying it's okay to- Hange, Kocho, what do you think of this rule? I say it should be amended."

"Sorry, kid," Hange hated to say it. they loved how optimistic this Senku was, but… "Sometimes people have to die."

"No, they don't. You all are crazy."

"What part of 'Mad Scientist Union' did you not understand?" Urahara really wanted to know. "Now, I don't blame you if are confused. It's all right to leave this meeting if that's what you want."

"I donno," Senku was torn. He thought these people shared a love of science, but all they wanted to do was hurt people. "Thanks for the invite, though. You all suck."

A collective gasp echoed in the small meeting room.

Next, a chorus of boo's and ' _fuck you's_ followed Senku as he strolled out the door. He didn't care though. Science was always meant to be used for good and anyone who didn't was not a true scientist.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Okay, I had so much fun writing this. So, I love all these characters- maybe except Tucker- but I came up with the idea thanks to MorgantheFae. (Who is on FFN. Ne has great stories. Please go check nem out.) I also wanted to state that Hange uses They/them pronouns. But, in writing, it gets confusing. So I capitalized singular They if it was in the middle of a sentence and used lower-case if it's after you like this small grammatical change, please use it. Also, I love Urahara calling Szayelaporro 'Szayel-chan'. It has a adorable ring to it. Also, Mayuri's right... Science is science. Szayel might have some Nemu DNA now. Oops? So...they're one happy family now, right?
> 
> Anyway, I loved writing this, the dog sitting joke killed me, and I hope you enjoyed reading it!


End file.
